In
memoriam Mary Frances Stites
5 May 1920 - 6 November 2004
Obituary in Arizona Republic 9 November 2004
From Sarah Jane Rutan, granddaughter
From Molly Shores - Daughter-in-law
Service at St. Stephens Church - A Celebration
More Pictures
of the life
of Mary Frances Stites
Family Tree
Mary Frances Stites,
84, died November 6, 2004 from lung cancer in
Scottsdale. Mary Frances, teacher, nurse and mother of three children was born
in Chicago May 5, 1920 to parents Gordon and Orlo Lea Laughead. She grew up in
Chicago and Glencoe, Illinois and attended Northwestern University until 1941.
Her sorority at Northwestern was Gamma Phi Beta with which she was involved for
many years. While doing volunteer work for nurses in Chicago at the beginning of
World War II, she decided to dedicate her career to nursing. She married Max
Kahlow, a pilot in 1941. She divorced in 1943 and lived in Chicago, New York and
then Denver where she completed her nurses training at St Luke's Hospital. In
1947 she met and married William Stites from Dalhart, Texas. After moving to
Portland, Oregon Mary worked an RN at Emanuel Hospital. The family moved to
Denver in 1952 where Mary Frances and the family made do in dilapidated student
housing, steel Butler 4-plexes with windows made of plastic coated screen, while
she supported her husband as he completed his PhD in Speech at the University of
Denver. In 1954, the family moved to Tempe, Arizona where William began a long
professorship at Arizona State University and Mary Frances began nursing at St.
Joseph's and St. Luke's in Phoenix. She also was a private nurse to many over
the years. Her favorite story concerned her care for the notorious Las Vegas and
Phoenix gangster, Gus Greenbaum before his murder in 1958. He gave her a tip for
the next day's races at Turf Paradise. She refused to gamble on that but checked
the results anyway. Sure enough, the horse had won! In Tempe, their income was
supplemented by selling pianos manufactured by her father Gordon Laughead, whose
pianos are widely known in the eastern and Midwestern U.S. In 1959 she graduated
with top honors from Arizona State University with a Masters in History and
began teaching in the Phoenix Union School District. Her long tenure as an
English instructor and debate coach at Camelback High School lasted until her
retirement in 1982. She was an active member of the St. Stephens Episcopal
church and had completed much course work in divinity studies. She also worked
for many summers at the White Mountain Hospital in McNary, Arizona where she
helped to deliver her granddaughter Sarah Jane in 1970, one of the last children
born in that regional hospital. Mary Frances had lived a full and open life and
was a great influence to those around her and her many students. She was
selfless in her help for others through her many hours of work with her church.
Most notable were her great contributions to De Colores and the El Salvadoran
humanitarian refugee cause of the Episcopalian church. All who knew her can
remember he loving kindness, generosity and strong spirit of life. She was at
home in the wilderness camping when she was younger as she was attending the
opera in the city. Her passion in for literature, music and the arts was
expressed best in her love and great knowledge of opera. She missed few Saturday
mornings listening to live performances from the Met in New York. Most of her
students are sure to recall their introduction to American literature with
Herman Melville and Moby Dick. Her classes were innovative and inclusive and
hugely popular at Camelback High. She is survived by three children Susanne
Jerome, Bill Stites, and Melinda Lounsbury, five grandchildren, Michelle
Guisleman, Sarah Rutan, and Ashley, Whitney, and Meghan Lounsbury and six
great-grandchildren. Services and a celebration of Mary Frances' life will be at
St. Stephen's Episcopal Church, 5600 E. Oak. Beginning 6:30 PM. Contributions
may be made by all to the valuable services of Hospice of the Valley.
Published in The Arizona Republic on 11/9/2004.
My Mother Mary Stites won’t be here at church
today. The guest of honor as they often say, would not like to be at a funeral,
but she probability would like the celebration of life that a funeral
represents, and what a life!
Oh there were millions like her. She was after all not a
diva, she was a member of the chorus. like Ann Jones, in the Poem by Dylan
Thomas she was obscure. But her fountain heart it was not hooded. Her love was
spread around like the waters of the fountains, on the post cards she sent from
Versailles. Elegant and prodigal.
And she unlike Ann Jones, she wouldn’t mind praise, not at
all. She accepted love and she gave love freely.
The last time that I could really talk to her, I told her
something that I had never thought to tell her.
I told the girl that had always felt homely and awkward in a
family of beautiful women.
I told her about how when I was in the early grades of
school, how proud I was of my beautiful mother, how complacent I was in my
pride, as if her comeliness were some priceless possession of mine. And looking
at pictures of her as a young woman, it’s obvious to the most objective eye that
she was beautiful. And she liked that I said that.
I read once to my English class, an internet essay written by
the Navajo poet Norman Chambers AKA John Rusty wire, about his aunt.
It describes an awkward country girl, and then talks movingly
about her and her kind. The women who are always there to check on people who
are late coming back from herding sheep or from town. Old people who had not
been seen for a bit.
You see them, he says, there at the Ship Rock Fair standing
behind their families, as they always are.
And every time I read this essay, I’m close to tears. And I
think it’s because it describes my big city, cultured and cultivated,
cosmopolitan mom.
She was generous, and a genuine lady. Today, I borrowed a
skirt, and a belt and a necklace, as I often have when I’ve needed to dress up.
And she would want me to dress properly for church.
She was not only kind and generous, she was brave. One time
she stopped a man from beating a woman in the street.
She got out of her car and walked right up to them.
“Stop that I have mace,” She said.
He said “If you have mace use it.”
“I wouldn’t waste it on you”, She pronounced.
And she turned to the woman and told her to get in her car
and leave. The woman did and mother went home shaking.
But during the emergency, as usual, she was cool and
decisive, and right on. She was always right on.
As I’ve stumbled down the alleys and access roads of life
mother has, to paraphrase Mark Twain about his father, mother has gotten so
much wiser. The advice she gave me, which I sometimes took, was always right.
She gave us other gifts.
Operas and symphonies and ideas flowed through our childhoods
like the wind of the evaporative cooler that always seemed to be humming in my
recollection.
Classical prints were framed on the walls, and insinuated
themselves into our minds’ eyes Classics filled the bookcases and the life of
the family – along with the most banal of 50’s culture. Walt Disney and the
sitcoms. I remember my grand mother and mother discussing whether Shakespeare
or the Opera left the most bodies strewn about the stage. She was cultured but
not pretentious about it.
If I had the memory that she had, I should know everything
about Saint Stevens, and everybody in it. And you probably know everything about
us. Everything that is at once interesting, amusing, and positive. She was
never mean or abusive although she was a fierce partisan.
She told everyone how to vote. But it’s hard to be a proper
matriarch in a family full of democrats . small and big D, especially if you
would never even dream of withholding love for any reason.
She was politically correct before the term was invented. She
had the courage and optimism of the red states and the breadth of heart and mind
of the blue states. She was continually growing and she led the curve.
She described how in 1943 Texas, she was stopped on the steps
of the Church, The Church, her tone insisted indignantly, and told that she was
paying her Nigger to much.
Those Texas Christians on the church steps referred to The
kind young woman who helped to nurture mom’s baby for so little pay that it was
embarrassing. And on those church steps all the romantic notions mom had
inherited about the South were “gone with the Wind.”
I think that she represents in her life the triumph of the
great heart of America, over petty, ethnic chauvinism. There is one idea, fair
play and its the basis of real Christianity.
The life and soul of Christ. The overweening commandment
that is additional and actually primary to all the others. Love thy neighbor as
thyself. Fair play.
All the fallacious ideas that swirled through the life of the
country like odious tornadoes, that were embodied in vulgar speech, mean and
vicious actions large and small. All these were trodden down like the evil
things they are by a host.
That were like Angels, brave Angels large and small, wielding
the swords of love and light and truth. A host that included my mother. I
think she’d like that image, though she’d laugh at it.
She always encouraged and celebrated her children, her
grandchildren, her friends and her students. I took that for granted.
Until I
was grown, I never imagined parents of another sort.
She was every inch a woman and vibrant. Brave, and kind,
intelligent and classy. Like millions of others of her kind, she was like one
of those maidens that hold up the outside of the Parthenon she was an ornament
and she was one of the main supports of the Temple. And I am proud that she was
my
mother.
-Susanne Jerome
Ganny, 8 November 2004
I wish so much I could be there with everyone to help celebrate your life and remember the kind of profound impact you made on all of us. I'm so pleased that you and I had such a great conversation only two short weeks ago. Again, You didn't fail to remind me that you were the first person to ever hold me on the day I was born. It was probably the most important thing you could have said to me, being our last conversation. As a child and a woman, you would explain that story to me like a proud Grandmother. That particular tale always made me feel especially close to you.
You have always amazed me because I grew up wondering how someone could be a nurse and a schoolteacher! As I grew older, I could comprehend it more, but I never stopped being in awe of your passion and desire to always learn and to then turn around to teach others around you. I hope to become half the woman that you were. I always learned something being in your presence, whether it be a history lesson or just a simple how-to task. For example, I remember sitting in your living room watching the 5:00 news in the chair next to yours and you stopped me to show me how to hold my fork correctly; something so little was saved and filed away in my mind forever. I also remember watching "All my Children" with you in that same chair. I remember keeping mine and Michelle's height measurements on your kitchen wall, I remember being so excited to go to your house so we could go swimming, play on your piano, draw and play on the little table and chairs kept in your living room just for Michelle and I. I remember you driving to Colorado with Ashley for my wedding in 1991 and how my in-laws just loved you right away. I don't have a whole lot left from my childhood but memories and the most important one of all, is your smell. Your whole house smelled like you. When you moved out of the townhouse, I was so worried that the smell would be put in the past but coming to visit you at Ken and Mindy's later, the smell was still all over you and I had an instant sensation of feeling 6 years old again. I imagine that's what I'll miss the most.
I know you're in a good place and I know we'll see each other again.
May the whales swim with you,
Sarah
Mary Stites is the first teacher I remember with real clarity. She was my junior high school English/Literature teacher in 1966-67 at Camelback High School. The thing that struck me initially about her was her passion. She had a passion for the English language and for literature that was matched only by one other person in my life – my father.
I was soon to discover that her passion was not just for the subjects that she taught, but for life itself. Mary had a passion for music, for the arts, for her family; she had a clarity and an openness of mind; a loving nature like I have very seldom known. She was positive and forgiving and did not dwell on past sadness or anger. She had a fascinating life and loved to speak of it. She was amazing. Mary was a talker. She could tell you story after story after story. And I don’t remember a single repeated story in all the years I knew her. I knew Mary for 38 years, because I became friends with her son, Bill, and eventually a part of the family through our marriage. Even though the marriage did not last, Mary’s and my friendship and love for each other did last – all through those years.
I know Mary’s spirit is flying beautiful and free. She will be remembered through her family and friends who loved her; I am one of those. I was so fortunate to have known her; our relationship is not over – it will never be over as long as I’m alive, because she will always be a part of me. Every time I read a good book or correct someone’s grammarJ, she’ll be with me. Every time I see a beautiful work of art or listen to beautiful music, especially opera, she’ll be with me.
With love,
Molly Shores
From the Service at St. Stephens Episcopal Church
A Celebration
of the Life
of
Mary Frances Stites
May 5, 1920 – November 6, 2004
Please stand as the ministers enter the church.
Resurrection Anthem Book of Common Prayer (BCP), Pg. 491
Collect for Burial
O God of grace and glory, we remember before you this day our sister Mary Frances. We thank you for giving her to us, her family and friends, to know and to love as a companion on our earthly pilgrimage. In your boundless compassion, console us who mourn. Give us faith to see in death the gate of eternal life, so that in quiet confidence we may continue our course on earth, until, by your call, we are reunited with those who have gone before; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
Old Testament Reading – Isaiah 2:2-5
Reader In days to come the mountain of the Lord’s house shall be established as the highest of the mountains, and shall be raised above the hill; all the nations shall stream to it. Many peoples shall come and say, “Come, let us go up to the mountain of the Lord, to the house of the God of Jacob; that he may teach us his ways and that we may walk in his paths.” For out of Zion shall go forth instruction and the word of the Lord from Jerusalem. He shall judge between the nations, and shall arbitrate for many peoples; they shall beat their swords into plowshares, and their spears into pruning hooks; nation shall not lift up sword against nation, neither shall they learn war any more. O house of Jacob, come, let us walk in the light of the Lord! The word of the Lord.
People Thanks be to God.
Psalm 121 (remain seated and sing the antiphon with the choir where indicated; the cantor will sing the psalm verses to the tune “Munich”, Hymn 632)
Antiphon: My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth.
1 I will lift up my eyes to the hills; from where is my help to come?
2 My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth. Antiphon
3 He will not let your foot be moved, and he who watches over you will not fall
asleep.
4 Behold, he who keeps watch over Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep;
Antiphon
5 The Lord himself watches over you; the Lord is your shade at your right hand,
6 So that the sun shall not strike you by day, nor the moon by night. Antiphon
7 The Lord shall preserve you from all evil; it is he who shall keep you safe.
8 The Lord shall watch over your going out and coming in, from this time forth
for evermore. Antiphon
Epistle Reading – James 1:22-25, 26b
Reader Be doers of the word, and not merely hearers who deceive themselves. For if any are hearers of the word and not doers, they are like those who look at themselves in the mirror; for they look at themselves and going away, immediately forget what they were like. But those who look into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and persevere, being not hearers who forget, but doers who act – they will be blessed in their doing. Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to care for the orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself unstained by the world. The word of the Lord.
People Thanks be to God.
Gospel Reading – Matthew 25:
Deacon The Holy Gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ, according to John.
People Glory to you, Lord Christ.
Deacon Then the king will say to those at his right hand, “Come, you that are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world; for I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you gave me clothing, I was sick and you took care of me, I was in prison and you visited me. Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when was it that we saw you hungry and gave you food, or thirsty and gave you something to drink? And when was it that we saw you a stranger and welcomed you, or naked and gave you clothing? And when was it that we saw you sick or in prison and visited you?’ And the king will answer them,
‘Truly I tell you, just as you did it to one of the least of these who are members of my family, you did it to me.’”
Deacon The Gospel of the Lord.
People Praise to you, Lord Christ.
Family Reflections
Music for Reflection “You’ll Never Walk Alone”
sung by Meghan Lounsbury and Patricia Huls
Homily
The Apostles’ Creed BCP, Pg. 496 All I believe in God, the Father almighty, creator of heaven and earth.
I believe in Jesus Christ, his only Son, our Lord.
He was conceived by the power of the Holy Spirit and born of the Virgin Mary.
He suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified, died, and was buried.
He descended to the dead.
On the third day he rose again.
He ascended into heaven, and is seated at the right hand of the Father.
He will come again to judge the living and the dead.
I believe in the Holy Spirit, the holy catholic Church, the communion of saints,
the forgiveness of sins, the resurrection of the body, and the life everlasting. Amen.
Prayers of the People
Leader For our sister Mary Frances, let us pray to our Lord Jesus Christ who
said,“ I am Resurrection and I am Life.” Lord, you consoled Martha and Mary in their distress; draw near to us who mourn for Mary Frances, and dry the tears of those who weep.
People Hear us, Lord.
Leader You wept at the grave of Lazarus, your friend; comfort us in our sorrow.
People Hear us, Lord.
Leader You raised the dead to life; give to our sister eternal life.
People Hear us, Lord.
Leader You promised paradise to the thief who repented; bring our sister to the
joys of heaven.
People Hear us, Lord.
Leader Our sister was washed in Baptism and anointed with the Holy Spirit;
give her fellowship with all your saints.
People Hear us, Lord.
Leader She was nourished with your Body and Blood; grant her a place at the
table in your heavenly kingdom.
People Hear us, Lord.
Leader Comfort us in our sorrows at the death of our sister; let our faith be our
consolation, and eternal life our hope.
Celebrant Lord Jesus Christ, we commend to you our sister Mary Frances, who was reborn by water and the Spirit in Holy Baptism. Grant that her death may recall to us your victory over death, and be an occasion for us to renew our trust in your Father’s love. Give us, we pray, the faith to follow where you have led the way; and where you live and reign with the Father and the Holy Spirit, to the ages of ages. Amen.
The Peace (please stand)
Celebrant The peace of the Lord be always with you.
People And also with you.
Please greet one another with a sign of peace.
Welcome by the Rector The Rev. Elizabeth H. Simmons
The Offertory Anthem “Could it be the Hour of our Messiah?”
written & sung by Bill Stites
Please stand as the offering elements are brought to the altar
The Doxology
All Praise God from whom all blessings flow; praise him, all creatures here below; praise him above ye heavenly host: praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.
The Holy Communion
The Great Thanksgiving, Prayer B Book of Common Prayer, Pg. 367
Celebrant The Lord be with you.
People And also with you.
Celebrant Lift up your hearts
People We lift them to the Lord.
Celebrant Let us give thanks to the Lord our God.
People It is right to give God thanks and praise.
The Sanctus Hymnal S 130
All sing Holy, holy, holy Lord, God of power and might, heaven and earth are
full of your glory. Hosanna in the highest. Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord. Hosanna in the highest.
Celebrant The Consecration (stand or kneel)
(the Celebrant continues the Eucharistic prayer on page 368)
Celebrant Therefore, according to his command, O Father,
People We remember his death;
we proclaim his resurrection;
we await his coming in glory.
The Lord’s Prayer
All Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy Name, thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us
our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory, forever and ever. AMEN.
The Breaking of the Bread
Celebrant Alleluia! Christ our Passover is sacrificed for us!
People Therefore let us keep the feast! Alleluia!
Invitation to Communion
(The Holy Communion is distributed at the altar rail. All who wish to receive communion are welcome regardless of religious background)
Communion Hymn (sung while seated) Hymn 620
Post-Communion Prayer
All Almighty God, we thank you that in your great love you have fed us with the spiritual food and drink of the Body and Blood of your Son Jesus Christ, and have given us a foretaste of your heavenly banquet. Grant that this Sacrament may be to us a comfort in affliction, and a pledge of our inheritance in that kingdom where there is no death, neither sorrow nor crying, but the fullness of joy with all your saints; through Jesus Christ our Savior. Amen.
The Commendation
Priest Give rest, O Christ, to your servant with your saints,
People where sorrow and pain are no more,
neither sighing, but life everlasting.
Priest You only are immortal, the creator and maker of mankind; and we are
mortal, formed of the earth, and to earth shall we return. For so did you ordain when you created me, saying, “You are dust, and to dust you shall return.” All of us go down to the dust; yet even at the grave we make our song: Alleluia, alleluia, alleluia.
People Give rest, O Christ, to your servant with your saints,
where sorrow and pain are no more,
neither sighing, but life everlasting.
Priest Into your hands, O merciful Savior, we commend your servant Mary Frances. Acknowledge, we humbly beseech you, a sheep of your own fold, a lamb of your own flock, a sinner of your own redeeming. Receive her into the arms of your mercy, into the blessed rest of everlasting peace, and into the glorious company of the saints in light. Amen.
The Commital BCP, Pg. 501
The celebrant and crucifer will process to the columbarium where the cremains will be inurned.
Priest The Lord be with you.
People And also with you.
Priest Let us pray. Rest eternal grant to Mary Frances, O Lord;
People And let light perpetual shine upon her.
Priest May her soul and the souls of all the departed, through the mercy of
God, rest in peace.
People Amen.
Blessing
Priest May God the Father bless you, God the Son, heal you, God the Holy Spirit give you strength, and the blessing of God Almighty, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit lead you safely to that heavenly country where with Mary Frances and all the saints, God lives and reigns for ever. Amen.
Hymn to Process into the World Hymn 657
Dismissal
Deacon Alleluia. Christ is risen.
People The Lord is risen indeed. Alleluia.
Deacon Let us go forth in the name of Christ. Alleluia! Alleluia!
Alleluia!
People Thanks be to God. Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia!